Last week I told you why the phrase “bad theology hurts people” has had such an impact on my life. This week, I want to examine one practical area where getting your theology right makes a huge difference. It’s this question: does God really want you to have what you want? As you might guess, the answer is both yes and no, and the way you interpret it will change the direction of your heart and emotions. Let’s dig in.
The Desires of Your Heart
You might be familiar with the verse Psalm 37:4. “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” (NLT) I remember at one time thinking, “Phew! I’m glad I’m a Christian so God will give me what I want!” It doesn’t take much life experience to realize that’s not how it works. There’s a whole part about “taking delight” that we usually take for granted as we try to get to the “heart’s desires” part.
If we haven’t taken delight in the Lord, it can be really frustrating to see our desires constantly unmet. (Maybe we don’t even know what that means yet. Here’s a starting place.) What tends to happen next is that we develop a view of God that isn’t true of His character. We see Him as selfish, uncaring, whimsical, or just plain mean. We might even see him as punishing us for sins that don’t really seem that bad. This has certainly come up in quite a few therapy sessions with my clients over the years.
The Problem with Our Hearts Desires
So why doesn’t God always give us the desires of our hearts? Well, sometimes our hearts don’t really know what’s good for us. In seventh grade my heart was madly in love with a boy who would have been all wrong for my future. Thank you God for not fulfilling that desire! Even now, with more adult experience, I know that I’m not always the best at planning my future or making choices that turn out for everyone’s good. I have to trust that God knows better. It may be a different timing works better, or it may be that thing I want is not good for me at all.
Think about what the prophet Jeremiah wrote (17:9, NLT): “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” Ouch! Remember that a humanist perspective opposes what we read in the Bible most of the time. And that makes it offensive to our modern, Western ears! Even though our hearts are naturally flawed and bent towards deception, God still values and loves our hearts. This is the gospel–so we don’t have to despair when we read of our depravity. If I take Jeremiah’s words at face value, I can put my trust in the Creator of my heart to choose what’s best for me.
Getting Our Priorities Straight
Even though we can’t always trust our hearts to have correct desires, we can trust the Holy Spirit working in us to help us want good things. That’s why the “taking delight” part of the verse is so important. As you read through the psalms, you see the word “delight” many times. It is reiterated over and over that the key to happiness and wholeness is seeking God wholeheartedly. Once that ball is rolling, the other things begin to take shape.
The idea is repeated again in the New Testament, when Jesus says, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need” (Matthew 6:33, NLT). Jesus implores us to have our eyes on God first. Make things right with God, and everything else falls into place. That doesn’t mean that He is going to give you everything you ever dreamed of. But it does mean that He will shape your dreams in directions that build His Kingdom. Similarly with Psalm 37:4, above, the Bible reminds us that when we prioritize God first, the other things line up behind Him. The desires you have when you walk closely with Jesus will be different from the desires you had before you knew Him.
Working Through Unmet Desires
Now let’s say that you really love Jesus. You’ve worked to prioritize Him in your life. But you still have some desires that He just doesn’t seem to fill. There are certainly many admirable things we ask Him for that seem to go unanswered. The salvation of friends and family. Deliverance from sickness or addiction. Abundant provision for our families. While I can’t say I understand why God doesn’t meet those desires, I trust that He has a plan for our interaction with Him in the waiting. I’ve withheld breakfast from my son when I wanted him to learn to ask for it in a polite, complete sentence. God is not selfish or whimsical, so I know that He has a purpose in your waiting, even more than my son who needs to learn “please” and “thank you.”
Persistence
I’m reminded of the parable of the persistent widow, found in Luke 18. The first verse states its purpose: “One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.” He tells about a widow who had a request that she brought before the judge. The judge didn’t care about people, but the widow was so persistent that he knew he would go crazy if he didn’t help her. Even that judge who was uncaring and unjust did the right thing when the woman kept bugging him. Jesus tells this story so that we know we can keep bugging God. He is ultimately caring and just, and he doesn’t get tired of our requests.
If you perceive that there is a desire in your heart that is not going away, it’s biblical to keep reminding God about it. When you do, you can ask him to change your heart about it if He’s not planning to give it to you. You have to be willing to lay it down. But if it doesn’t go away, it could be that He is just having you wait for a different time. God is doing something in your heart while you wait. He does not waste pain, or opportunities, or time. He does it just right. So go ahead, keep bugging Him!
For Therapists
I wrote this article because many times my work revolves around clients wanting something that they simply cannot seem to get. It could be a partner, or a child, or a sense of purpose. Or it might be happiness, stable mood, or freedom from anxiety. It usually is love, peace, joy, and hope.
When my client is a Christian, it’s usually easier to talk outright about Scripture and what the Bible says about our desires and God’s sovereignty. But even so, I have to use a lot of discernment and sensitivity. Most of the people I work with have suffered spiritual wounds or abuse of some type. I can’t charge in there with my Bible and “set them straight.” I also can’t convince anyone that loving God first and foremost is the answer to all their problems.
What I can do is reassure them of God’s goodness when things don’t make sense. I can lead them in gratitude and curiosity. I can hold hope for them when they can’t seem to find it for themselves. One of my non-therapy passions is to show how the different Bible sections work together to prove God’s character. He is not a capricious egomaniac looking for someone to punish. He is a loving Father who provides access to Himself in His Word. And sometimes He provides help from caring therapists.
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